


The house feels cold (SBI Family fic)

by haIcyon



Category: mcyt
Genre: Adoption, Arguing, Depression, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Everyone Needs A Hug, Family, Fluff and Angst, Loss of Parent(s), Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Sex, Other, References to Depression, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29051523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haIcyon/pseuds/haIcyon
Summary: Tommy loved his foster family.That was, until he was the one to find his older brother bleeding out on the bathroom floor.ORTommy, Techno and Wilbur have been adopted by Phil, and for some reason Techno seems to be the only sane child.tw: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE, PTSD, Panic Attacks, someone bleeding out, guilt and blame around attempted suicide.
Relationships: Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 29
Kudos: 143





	1. the temperature sinks

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tw's in the beginning

When Tommy first was adopted by Phil, he was introduced to his new brothers by catching them in a pillow fight. The first thing Tommy had ever heared come out of Techno's mouth was "I'm gonna draw my next art project with your fucking blood Wilbur!", to which Phil awkwardly smiled at the youngest "Welcome home, Tom."

Tommy loved to think back to that time. When his foster family had it easier, when he first stepped into this house.  
Three years had passed, Tommy's voice had dropped and he now nearly reached Wilburs height. The comfort of the memory was gone as fast as it appeared. 

Too much had changed, he would say occasionally.  
"You just grew up" was what Wilbur would reply.

When they were still children, Tommy and Wilbur would love to start fights. The two would argue about the smallest thing, race to the stupidest places and found a way to make everything a competition. Techno would keep his distance from the two, having a harder time to bound with new people. By the time Tommy had started calling Phil his Dad, he had completey forgotten that his brothers all were foster children. Their parents long forgotten in history, when he had his family right here.

When Tommy grew up Wilbur wasnt filled with energy and smart comebacks any longer. Tommy liked to think he lost them along the way. 

Nobody remembered when it had started. Wilbur was 13 when he first realised what had truely happend, that lead to him entering the foster system. The Therapist later explained that his brain had pushed away bad memories, making them come to the surface in times he felt save.  
He didnt feel so save anymore.  
Wilbur tried. Endless nights he foun himself infront of Phils room, wanting to knock and ask for help. He knew he was suffering, and as months passed he knew he became worse. You'd think his pain was strong enough to seek help, but the embarrassment that burns in his fingertips and the fear of rejection made him keep to himself.  
So Wilbur swallowed the pain.  
When nights of hyperventilating until he passed out striked him for the third time this week, he told no tale.  
Phil's alcohol started tasting more watery.  
The homework this week seemed crazy much with how much time Wilbur spend completing it.  
At night you could feel a cold, smoky wind fill the dark hallway  
and as little hints kept forming a mountain, Wilbur crashed underneath them all.

It was 2am on a Wednesday. Tommy was supposed to be asleep, but how could he, when his internet friend kept him awake. The shitposts over bee's made it hard to hold back his laughter, so he pressed a hand over his mouth and turned away from his phone. It was so quiet, he nearly wouldve missed it. But then it happend again.  
Whimpers flew through the hallway, making Tommy leave his bed.  
Carefully, as to not wake up his brothers, he stepped through the hallway on tip-toes.  
For a good minute, it was silent.  
Nearly he wouldve blamed his tired mental state and turned back to his room, but there it was again.  
Followng the sound, the 13 year old found himself infront of their shared bathroom. "..hello?" he whispered. He heared slight movement behind the door.  
"Tommy..? shouldnt you be..asleep?" that was Wilbur, but..not 100%. His brothers voice sounded shakey an exhausted.

Wilbur never sounded that way. 

Worry spread through the 13 year old. "Are you alright?" "Oh-..I'm fine. Please just, go to sleep."  
Not convinced, Tommy tried to open the door. Locked.  
"Wilbur."  
he never heared himself this serious  
"Open the door."  
The shuffeling started again, with it came another yelp from behind the door. This was what send Tommys worry over the edge, making him enter Techno's room, shaking the oldest out of his sleep.

Wilbur thought he had succeded in making his younger brother leave. His breathing was getting faster, yet it felt like he was suffocating. He did not quiet remember what exactly was happening, as his vision flew in and out, the blood loss the boy had suffered was mixed with an excessive amont of alcohol, making him lay in a puddle of his own blood like a lost puppy.

The faint knocking on the door grew louder and louder, until finally, a loud thud.  
Techno's hands felt warm around his cold wrists as the oldest desperatly tried to make the bleeding stop.  
He had send Tommy to Phil, telling him to call an ambulance.  
Wilbur glarred up at his brother the best he could but his eyes rolling into his head prevented him from doing so.  
A sudden shift happend, and when Wilbur's breathing developed into a loud and painful panting, he held his brother closer than before. Techno was certain that there was no reaching the confused boy.  
He whimmered in his arms, apology after apology, shaking as he held onto Techno for dear life. The situation hurt, seeing his younger brother shaking in what resembled the fear of an wild animal without being able to truely reach him. So he did the best he could: listened and held him close until the paramedics arrived and took Wilbur with him. Leaving behind a puddle of blood, and a hole in everyones hearts.

The first few weeks were hard.  
Wilbur arrived home after two weeks, and was greeted silently.  
In dark nights, you were able to hear him whisper about how much he hated himself for making his family go through the traumatic experience.  
He blamed himself for everything, convincing himself that his siblings hated him for what he attempted to do.  
But Techno was soft, kneeled next to Wilbur whenever another panic attack caught the boy offguard and would offer his shoulder to lean on.  
He would look away when he caught Wilbur smoke in the middle of the night, and lightly knock on his door when the muffled cries reached his ears.

but not only Wilbur had changed. The time had also taken a toll on the youngest.  
Ever since the incident happend, Tommy felt like the house was suffocating him.  
He held anger against himself and this world ever since he was a young child getting passed around from house to house.  
Yet, this was a different kind. First his anger only appeared as small upset whispers, then they became hitting the wall when the feeling of despair overwhelmed him. 

Until one day,  
he was sat at the kitchen table with his brothers (Phil was out working) and Tommy couldnt help but notice how Wilbur kept starring at him. His eyes were burning Tommy, becoming more and more pressuring by the second, making his stomach and hands burn in that so familiar feeling of dread, the kind that makes you want to crawl out of you body and leave it behind.  
The youngest hit the table and snapped his head around, making eye contact to the other boy, catching both offguard. "What!?" his blood boiled "Why are you starring at me like that, huh?"  
Tommy loved his brothers, but the feeling that burned in his hands was stronger. "I'm..sorry?" Tommy chuckled sarcastically "Of course you fucking are." He stood up and took his plate, and half heartedly threw it into the sink, resulting in shatter and a broken plate. "Tommy-" he turned around "What, Wilbur?" he could see his older brother shaking, and for no logical reason, this pissed him off even more.  
"Awh, are you sorry? Are you gonna lock yourself into the fuckong bathroom now? See you in the morning, bitch." he left the room, his fire still lit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One incident, and everyone blames themselfs
> 
> OR
> 
> Tommy finds confort in Tubbo, as Phil tries to talk to Techno and Wilbur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read the tw's in the tags

"You really fucked up"

Tommy nodded as exhaustion rolled over his body once more. He had gone through what had happend hours prior multiple times  
Now he retold the story once more, this time his best friend was there to listen to him.   
Tubbo sometimes was all Tommy had. The older boy was here, he listend, and that was all Tommy needed. Someone to check, someone to care when his brothers were going through it again.  
"Did you think about what you want to do now?" "Tubbo, you know I never think." Both boys smiled sadly. The boy behind the screen felt helpless, all he wanted to do was crawl out of the screen and hug his friend until the pain went away. "I'm here big man. You did something bad, yeah, but I think that it was reasonable." The door behind the brown haired boy opened, and the sound of the mute button appeared. Eret had walked into Tubbo's room to check on the younger, and when he noticed Tommy, he gave him a friendly wave. "As I was saying" Tubbo continued after Eret left, closing the door behind him "Something behing reasonable doesnt mean you do not have to apologize to Wilbur. Maybe you guys should talk about it."

When Phil returned home he expected the house to be alive. It was only 7pm, someone always was downstairs doing anything around that time.  
The silence hit him when he entered the once warm home, nearly send a shiver down his spine.   
"Boys?" he yelled as he undressed his jacket and shoes. The floor above him creaked as the oldest made his way down stairs. Phil didnt have time to even look at the 17 year old when he already felt two arms cling onto him. Knowing his oldest, Phil silently returned the hug, brushing through Techno's pink dyed hair and waiting patiently to see if he felt like talking about it.   
Growing up, Techno struggled the most with accepting his new family. The first week of living with Techno was the most anxious Phil had ever been. Fostering was something he was told to not do, getting judged by people who didnt even know him, telling him "Why would you take in other peoples children?" as if it was a joke.   
The young adult wasnt the one to make this decision though. His now long lost wife had suggested the idea before she left this earth, and Phil felt determined to finish what she had started.

7 days.   
It had taken Phil seven days of patience and panic to make Techno, who he then still referred to with a different name, speak to him.   
Having a foster child truely was not easy, but not once did Phil regret it.   
He loved the kid and watching him grow up.   
And after nearly a year, Techno gave Phil a hug. Phil couldve cried then and there, overwhelmed with happiness and pride. It was a small gesture that meant so, so much coming from the child that had so much trouble with anything showing a mild positive reaction to things. 

Now he was here with Techno again and all he felt was a stinging in his heart. Slowly, he made Techno come into the living room where the near adult pressed his face into Phil's side and started to silently sob. In a weird way, Phil felt grateful for this. He knew Techno chose to put his emotions second, trying slip into the parental role when Phil was off to midnight shifts. Warm attempts of care for the two younger children, even though Phil had reminded him countless times that; No, he was a kid himself, and he was allowed to be hurt too.   
"Listen here mate", he brushed a strand of Technos hair behind his ear. "I dont know what happend, but no matter what, it will be okay. It isnt your fault, and I'll be here. I'm here, alright?"  
The pressure against his side faded away as Techno looked at him with red blood-shot eyes. "Tommy screamed at Wilbur," a sob "he lost his shit. Made a plate break and then screamed at Wilbur. Well, made fun of him, or something like that, about what happend. Then dipped. I didnt know what to say, and then Wilbur dipped too" Phil dragged his oldest back into the hug. "That is alot of shit to be upset about Tech. You see, you cannot change what Tommy did, and if he does not approach you, you cannot help him. Same with Wilbur. And god, youre not supposed to know what to say. How would you when they dont even know?" he held the child a little more tight. "I'm gonna take care of this, alright?" Techno nodded, and after some while excused himself into his room. 

Phil entered Wilburs room without knocking, and Wilbur jumped so hard at the sudden sound that he nearly felt out of the window he was sitting on. Shock still spreading to him, though he thought quick enough to hold the cigarette in his hand down, out of the window, and out of Phils view. "Heyy, dad" he said in typical, jokingly Wilbur fashion. "Hows it hanging? Any nice lady's in your work?" Phil shook his head, then closed the door behind him, failing to notice that Tommy had peeked out of his room to watch the two. "Can we talk?" Wilbur nodded, pressing the cigarette against the wall until he was certain that it had gone out and slipping it into the pockets of the cardigan he was wearing, making his way over to his bed and letting himself fall next to his parent. "Whats up?" Wilbur sounded so genuine that Phil silently regretted taking him to acting classes for five years. "What happend inbetween you and Tommy today?" The brunet looked straight forward, let a few seconds pass and then shrugged. "No clue whatcha talking about, old man" "Wilbur I'm not joking around. Whats going on."   
"Tommy had a bad day, was upset, it got a little heated and we both left. Why are you making this such a big deal?" Wilbur still didnt dare to look at his father, so Phil stood up, placed himself infront of Wilburs vision. "Wilbur, Tom joking about what happend is a big deal." The middle child turned away, now visibly annoyed "I joke about it too, whats wrong with it when Tommy does?" "Because it happend to you, and you shouldnt-" "Well it also affected him, didnt it Phil?" The man froze up and stared at the teen infront of him. Wilbur hadnt refered to him by anything but some variation of "father" in years. "You, both of you, Techno too, act like all of this was just my thing, and fail to realise that Tommy was there too, heck Phil you wanna be such a good guy that you dont even check on Tom or Dave anymore! What if they struggle? Do you think that I just woke up one day and was mentally ill?" Phil stood tere helplessly has he noticed how the 16 year old started to shake. "Why shouldnt either of them feel like I did? What makes you believe Tommy isnt killing himself right now?!" Wilburs cool had fallen off while he was ranting and evolved into screaming towards the end, and now a mixture of hyperventilating and sobbing. A panic attack had once again decide to haunt the middle child, who's mide had wandered off to be somewhere else again. Helpless was what Phil felt, not being able to do anything as he watched his son's nails dig into his skin while he struggled to breath, being adviced by his doctors to, unless he was severely injuring himself, stay away from the boy and watch him 'til it passed. The words still hung thick in the air, too distracting to notice the shuffeling that was going on outside as Techno tried to keep Tommy from running into Wilburs room, desperately wanting to check on him.   
He truely loved his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u guys so much for reading!  
> (comments rly motivate me btw,,)  
> my twitter is @halcygone, and I now take oneshot requests!


	3. Guilty pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Techno has a guilty pleasure, and Wilbur finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check taggs for tws

Guilty pleasure.

We all have one, dont we? The one thing you and I both know you shouldnt be doing. But here were not talking about youre favorite tv show or your favorite fruit. I'm talking about the real, guilty, pleasure.   
Whenever that is the satisfaction you get from harming the people you love in an argument, the adrenaline rush that an suicide attempt gives you, or the exitement of slowly killing yourself by refusing food. Not everyone has one of these guilty pleasures, but oh, did Techno have one.  
He would never dare to tell this to anyone outside of the people that joined him. It had all started simply; a drop of alcohol here, a beer there, and suddenly someone was able to get half a vodka bottle.   
Techno knew too well that the line was overstepped when one of his friends told him about sucking dick for a joint; it felt like it was stained in blood that wasnt supposed to be bleed; yet he took the hit.  
Techno hated it - but thats exactly why he did it. He hated all the things he couldnt controll, everything would hurt him and he couldnt change a thing. But this, this was hurting him, and god he had controll.  
Techno met Dream online, he had been pretty open about all his thoughts on the Internet for the longest time - and when he figured out that he lived close, he visited.  
Techno knew that Dream couldve been anyone - the police trying to arrest him or your not so friendly neighborhood pedophil - but you surely understand that that is the exact reason he did it.  
Techno understood why Wilbur tried to kill himself.  
Techno found a way to make himself feel alive again.  
Dream turned out to actually be Dream, or Clay. Togheter they did the usual, smoking weed in the forest, then infront of the police station, and then ontop of the highest building they could find.   
In the beginning, it was just a beer.  
now, it was just a joint,  
and slowly just a joint wasnt enough.  
Techno wanted control, he wanted to feel alive while truely dying - so he balanced everything, cared for his brother, threw in his adderall with a shot of vodka and acted like nothing could stop him, ever.  
That was, until a stop sign stood in his way, in form of his younger brother.  
He had just finished his discussion with his father, and while he was truely worried for his brothers, he was truely exhausted.  
The pink haired opened a window, then searched for the already made joint in his backpack. It didnt look like a joint - he made them with cigarettes, so they looked like those, since you much rather get caught smoking nicotine than weed. With ease he flicked the lighter, and it only took a couple of hits for the familiar dull to cover his mind. he made sure he put the thing out and threw the rest of it back into the drawer.  
Screaming could be heared from outside the door, making Techno's woozy mind snap back into half-reality. He got up and ran straight into Tommy. It took him a couple of seconds to register what was going on, but he held his younger brother, who was sobbing in his arms a little tighter than normally. "Hey Toms, its gonna be alright okay? Wilburs gonna be alright." Tommy nodded, leaning against the elder. Tommy felt warm, until he left back into his room. As the screaming died down, Techno decided that standing in the hallway was not the most effective thing he could do, so he made his way over to his brothers room, slowly opening the door, to reveal some ball of a child and Phil, starring at it.  
"Uh" Techno looked around the room, holding the door incase he lost his balance. "If you want, I can stay now. I'll make sure nothing happends." Phil's smile seemed grateful, as the obviously overwhelmed man nodded and left, now leaving ball-child and Techno behind. Techno sat down next to his brother, and it took an awfully long time before his brain even registered that he maybe should be talking right now.   
"Hey Wilbur, I got diagnosed with something today." Wilbur looked up, eyes red from crying "h-huh" he sat up slowly, now rubbing his eyes "with what?" "COTC" Wilbur still seemed to be far away, and Techo knew how to change that.  
"Whats COTC?"  
"Corn on the Cob"  
Wilburs eyes met Technos, as he starred at him with disbelieve in his eyes. "I fucking hate you!" Giggles could be heared from outside the room where Phil has been standing, releave washing over him as he left the two teens alone.  
"I was worried" Wilbur exclaimed, pulling his knees closer to himself. "You dont need to be worried about me" The look on the youngers face changed "Technoblade never dies"   
"Are you high?"  
Quiet shattered through the room, so loud that you couldnt even hear it. Techno felt panic dwell up, but only as much as you could when all there is is packed in some sort of fluffy foam. "No?" "Your pupils are fucking wide dude" "Its dark" a scoff "Its not, theres a light on. Techno are you fucking high?" Techno put his hand over the youngers mouth, who had raised his voice. "Shut up, holy shit" Wilbur licked the pink haired mans hand, resulting in a look of disgust. "Let me smoke with you and I wont tell Phil."   
"Yo what?"

Maybe Techno was better off being found guilty anyways.


	4. Ao3, I need your guyses advice.

Hello complete strangers of ao3.  
I need your guyses advice;  
i'm a small twitch streamer, ans I'm unsure if I should quit. I average about 3-5 people, but I dont feel like I'm intertaining enough. I'm just some depressed high-schooler after all.  
The thing is, I started streaming to escape my depression. Now, 5 months lated I'm nearly at 170 followers. But there are so many new streamers, and the really good ones blow up so quickly. I feel like, its a sign that I'm just not made for it.  
What do you guys think?  
I know this is very random, since you guys do not know me at all - yet I feel like this is the best way to ask for guidance. From an unbiased community.  
Love you guys <3


	5. Reworking this fanfiction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Update

Hello Ao3,  
I am really unhappy with this fic - so I will re-write every chapter and upload it once I truely finished it all.  
Which should be in a few hours - so stay tuned ! :)

Heres the re-write:  
https://archiveofourown.org/works/30020562

**Author's Note:**

> hello ! I know the story ended kind of open, and I'd be open to write another part if people want me too ^^  
> also, since I wanna make more friends:  
> my twitter: @halcygone


End file.
